Awkward Hugs

The New Meta Tags You Should Be Using on Your Blog

As you know, success on the internet today is based not on quality of content, but on how loudly you can promote that content. It’s essential to follow an in-depth a marketing strategy for each blog post you produce, even if that promotion takes longer than the production of the actual content. (In fact, as a rough guideline, experts suggest you spend seven times as long promoting each blog post as it took to write it.)

You know this already. But did you know that your social media and SEO efforts might be failing miserably simply because you forgot a few key meta tags? It’s true!

Edition 14.6.2.D of the HTML Alternate Specification Recommendations (HASR), released last week, announces three new meta tags that you simply must include on your content in order to maximize reach:

  1. <meta name="narcissism_level" content="moderate">
    This great new tag allows your narcissistic content to get in front of the appropriately disengaged audience. Simply choose the level of self-absorption in your content (low, moderate, heavy, or extreme), and then add this in just before the </head> tag.
  2. <meta name="selfie_count" content="17">
    Nobody wants to read your blog post unless it includes at least a dozen selfies of you doing boring, everyday stuff. Let your potential audience know before they click — and they will click if you use this meta tag correctly! — how many dumb selfies you’ve included.
  3. <link rel="plagiarized_from" href="https://awkwardhugs.com/new-meta-tags">
    Writing original content is hard, which is why so many of the most successful bloggers these days are simply copying someone else’s text, changing a few words around, and slapping in their own photos. While efficient, it creates a hassle for readers who then have to figure out who you’re plagiarising from. Save them a step with this handy tag. Simply swap out the href value with the URL of the article that blatantly stole.

Now that you know how to use these exciting new tags, get ready for a traffic explosion! You’d better beef up your servers.

Note: The tags aren’t real. This is satire. We hope that you realized that before this note, but aren’t taking any chances.