Awkward Hugs

The Pros and Cons of Eating at Pizza Hut’s Lunch Buffet

pepperoni pizza
Photo by BrokenSphere

Never before in the history of humankind has there been an opportunity quite like the Pizza Hut lunch buffet. For only $4.99 (plus tax, tip, and the purchase of a sugary beverage), you can easily consume days’ worth of calories. Hunter gatherer types would have had to labor for weeks to compose such a feast, but all you have to do is stroll down to the red-roofed restaurant on the corner and swipe your credit card. But should you?

Pro: Cheese and meat. So much cheesy, meaty goodness.

Con: All that cheese is probably going to constipate you for a couple days.

Pro: Once you finally do poop, it’ll feel like a second chance at life.

Con: It gets really depressing when the pizza starts running out and the buffet closes.

Pro: You can show up right at 11:30.

Con: Someone might see you sneaking into the Hut. Or leaving it.

Pro: Finally, a chance to use that fake mustache from your spy kit!

Con: Your office is going to smell awful all afternoon.

Pro: You have a 2:30 meeting scheduled in your office with Chad. You don’t like Chad.